Bizarro Genius Baby is a tremendously funny song about the world’s smartest baby and her hapless father. The humor comes from Frontalot’s descriptions of her antics, and also from his clever solution he comes up with to his problem, particularly when his livelihood is threatened.
I love the stilted rhythm of this song, as well as Frontalot’s staccato delivery, and the fun rhymes. It’s a cool song all the way around.
Here’s a link to the (hilarious) video
And of course, the lyrics:
I had a dream that I fathered a bizarro genius baby.
She’s out the womb like, “Dood, why’d I get expatriated?”
Debated at one month the finer points of a diaper,
devised a device composed of a hose and a windshield wiper.
Grew riper in intellect as the months passed, wore a dunce cap ironically,
got fussy once and she summoned me not sonically
but through a series of editorials that she authored,
entitled: “Is MC Frontalot One Of The Worst Fathers?”
Oxford, Stanford, Harvard called, she didn’t call them back.
“Tuition & Housing? I’m holding out for a tenure track.”
Distracted by her first birthday party, I hardly noticed
she’d brought peace to the middle east or at least a cease-fire with the POTUS.
And no dust had settled when she’d disproved Fermat
by finding A3 + B3 that = C3 and her sadness
at throwing the field into disarray got assuaged
by a brand new rattle and a mint parfait.
Bizarro genius baby: at first I was elated, but eventually I grew concerned.
Bizarro genius baby: you prove my genes are Grade A, but what of when tables turn?
She had to settle for the Fields Medal but didn’t settle well,
all the while cursing the indiscretions of Madame Nobel,
and so well tuckered out was she at this point that she napped,
arose with a whole symphony composed in Bb.
“See dad?” Yes dear, it’ll go with the other ones on the fridge,
in between the two Puccinis you translated & abridged,
just above ‘I love you dad’ in macaroni/glitter
and the 37 villanelles to mom (but I ain’t bitter).
And no quitter was she neither when the time it came to walk:
built an exoskeleton out of gelatin and chalk
which allowed her to run thirty miles an hour ‘round the yard.
You think that parenting your normal little children is hard?
I got scarred, scared, scampered at by holographic artifacts
that she projected on the scene with a machine that automatically
discerns your worst concerns & makes them visible.
She deemed it risible. Her glee was indivisible
from all emanations that the baby would make.
I had to become less hilarious for all of our sakes.
I made mistakes, I’ll admit it. Dropped the kid on her head,
destroyed the part of her that thought of evil. Or so she said!
Now I bred this thing out myself in part —
she quoted “reap what you sow;” I had to take it to heart.
I sought to restart: I said, “Girl, you’ll be a woman.
Can’t be dabbling and dilettantin’ all the time, I’m assuming.
Got to pick a theme and focus the beam of your brain power.”
Her face became overcome with an insane glower
and then it remained sour. She said, “Oh, I have.
Though the UI that you gave me was buggy I finally found me the nav.
And I’m dialing in a career path I think you’ll like.
Began when I played with an 808 and it ends with a mic.”
I didn’t need her to elaborate at all.
She was already wearing the glasses, mic in the palm.
She planned to become a nerdcore rapper just like me
so I shipped her to Singapore, sold her baby ass to Nike.
I love this song’s blues guitar stylings, as well as the chorus. I also really enjoy Frontalot’s stilted rapping, as well as the sardonic lyrics of this song, about a preacher stating that not only is his congregation and religion the correct one, but the only way to save the world is to convert everyone to his ideas–seems pretty familiar to me.
Here’s a link to a live performance
And of course, the lyrics:
Congregation, settle in your seats.
The Reverend Front Aloud is on the mic and about to speak.
I’m about to freak you out, make you shiver in the pew
while I’m delivering to you my sermon and divinity ensues,
brought by the one true God. It’s a fact:
anybody else who ever had a God, their God’s wack.
We ain’t got to worry about ‘em; we picked the right horse.
You’re in the right house of worship (of course),
and forces are gathering out in the world
to diminish our faith in ways radical and thorough,
to discourage us from loving anything that’s immaterial,
to tempt our children with ever fruitier cereal,
and worst of all, to call us idiots while they do it.
My congregation, listen; I’m about to walk you through it.
We’re going to take the nation back from the heathens that’s within it.
We’re gonna get the most egregious of the atheists imprisoned,
cause a schism while we’re at it, but emerge on top,
and once we’ve purified our ranks we won’t stop —
we’ll purify your minds of what’s illegitimately thought.
It’s not to be a battle indiscriminately fought,
but an orchestrated effort, and I’m gonna need you to commit.
Might take a couple generations for this deviltry to quit.
Start with the kids — in fact, they get distracted from the Lord —
so I’d like you to write a couple letters to your school board.
Do you, do you really believe
that we were nothing but them monkeys swinging up in the trees?
Don’t it seem a little likelier that Adam and Eve
did a lot of humping, and that was the origin of the species?
And what has this so-called science ever done for us
but trumpeted that when ashes go to ashes & dust to dust,
despite the fuss of living, energy gets conserved.
Denying the weight of the soul of a man: this is ill deserved.
This is still the curse of Copernicus that we suffer.
Secular thought ought not to overflow its buffer
and run roughshod through the minds of you, the population.
Heretics such as Dawkins and Sagan overstep their station
to say that what we see and what we believe should be confluent.
Look to your Reverend to end apostasy — that’s what I’m doing!
Look to your Holy Book to light the way; that is its purpose.
Open it up and you’ll find Eden ‘fore you even scratch the surface.
And sure, this should be mirrored in the textbooks verbatim
but I’m not in a position yet to issue ultimatum.
So I lay down my scheme: we’ll make it seem as though creation
isn’t anything we’d like to interject to education.
We’ll wrangle up the language: science, data, theorem,
the irreducible complexity of the ears we use to hear ‘em
gnashing teeth and wailing from Kansas to PA.
Yes, my flock, I talk of futures not imminent but underway.
Already established an Institute for Discovery.
Discovered that Darwin is dead with outlook grim for recovery.
Schoolmarms will soon say that he burns in a fiery sea.
Think how much like paradise that’s gonna be.
mc chris is probably best known as the voice of Hesh on Sealab 2021 and the voice of MC P Pants on Aqua-Teen Hunger Force. This particular song was first showcased during the credits of an episode of Sealab 2021.
This particular version is a remix, and a pretty cool sounding remix too (officially, it’s the Baddd Spellah vs MC Chris - Fett’s Vette (The Good, the Baddd and the Ugly) mix, and it can be downloaded from mc chris’s website. Plus, I just love the video I found on Youtube that someone made using the Star Wars Galaxies game.
And of course, the lyrics:
Cruisin’ Mos Espa
In my Delorean
War’s over
I’m a peacetime mandalorian
My story has stumped
Star Wars historians
Deep in debate,
Buffet plate at Bennigan’s
Rhyme renegade
Sure to penetrate
First and second offense
I won’t hesitate
Got a job to do
And Darth’s the guy that delegates
Got something against Skywalker
Someone he really hates
I don’t give a fuck
I’m after Solo
For all I care
He could be hidin’ at Yoda’s dojo
Gotta make the money
Credit’s no good
When the jawas runin’ shop
In your neighborhood
Think you can cook
I got a grappling hook
Let’s make this quick
‘Cause I’m really booked
I’m a devious degenerate
Defender of the devil
Shut down all the trash compactors
On the detention level
chorus
My backpack’s got jets
Well I’m Boba the Fett
Well I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt
To finance my ‘Vette
wicky wicky woo
Well I chill in deep space
A mask is over my face
Well I deliver the prize
But I still narrow my eyes
‘Cause my time
I don’t like to waste.
Get down
I’m a question
Wrapped inside an enigma
Get inside the slave one
Find your homing signal
From Endor to Hoth
Ripley to Spock
I’ll find what you want
But there’s gonna be a cost
See, my name is Boba Fett
I know my shit is tight
Start not actin’right
You’re frozen in carbonite
Got telescopic sight
Flame throwers on my wrist
You still don’t get the gist
Spiked boots are made to kick
Targets are made to hit
You think I give a shit
Yo mama is a bitch
I see you in the Sarlaac Pit
You just flipped my switch
Integrity been dissed
You scratchin’ on my itch
You know I shoot to get
Got bambinas at cantinas
Waitin’ to lick my lusty lips
So I’ll let you get back inside
Your little space ship
Give you a head start
‘Cause I’m the sportin’ kind
Consider the starting line
The sneaky smile I hide inside
Hope you have hyper drive (drive)
pray to stay alive (’live)
Don’t try to slip me a five
‘Cause I never take a bribe
To the beat of a different drummer
Bad ass bounty hunter
Let no man put asunder
Or else they be put under
As in six feet
Got an imperial fleet
Backin’ me up, gonna blow up
Any attempt to defeat
They gotta death star
Got four payments on my car
Hand it over to hammer head
At Mos Eisley bar
He used to carjack
Now he’s a barback
Just goes to show how you can
Get back on the right track
As for me that’s not an option
Can’t say that with more clarity
Me going legit would be like
Jar Jar on speech therapy
Chorus
My backpack’s got jets
Well I’m Boba the Fett
Well I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt
To finance my ‘Vette
wicky wicky woo
Well I chill in deep space
A mask is over my face
Well I deliver the prize
But I still narrow my eyes
‘Cause my time
I don’t like to waste.
Get down
Slice you open like a Taun Taun
Faster than the Autobahn
Or a motorbike in Tron
Do the deed and then I’m gone
Jaba has a hissyfit
Contact Calrissian
Over a colt, the plan unfolds
No politic is legit
Back in the day
When I was a slave
Living life in the fast lane
Like in a pod race
My mean streak tweaked
I became a basket case
So this space ace
Split that place, poste haste
Took up a noble cause
Called the Clone Wars
‘Cause life’s not all about
Girls and cars
Getting fucked up
In fucked up bars
See, I’m not a retard
Or gay like de Barge
I’m large and in charge
With a face so scarred
A cold black heart
That’s been torn apart
The Sith wish that they
Had a dick so hard
‘Cause it’s long long ago
In a pussy far far
Call me master, ’cause I’m faster
Than Pryor on fire
I no longer have to hot wire
I’m a hunter for hire
With no plans to retire
And all the sucka MCs
Can call me sire
Chorus
My backpack’s got jets! (jets jets jets)
Well I’m Boba the Fett! (the Fett the Fett)
Well I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt, (Jabba Hutt Jabba Hutt Jabba Hutt)
…To finance my ‘Vette (my ‘Vette my ‘Vette my ‘Vette my ‘Vette)
103 viewsThis song is both funny and thought-provoking. If you ever played the Infocom games back in the 1980’s, you’ll have an appreciation for this song and what it means(Zork, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and Leather Goddesses of Phobos are all referenced), but there’s an additional layer there as well, as the song profiles a gamer who’s gotten into the game a little too deeply.
I was lucky enough to find a couple of blog posts about the making of the video by the director: before shooting and after.
And of course, the lyrics:
You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
If this predicament seems particularly cruel,
consider whose fault it could be:
not a torch or a match in your inventory.
It got narrated at you in the second person.
Every time you booted up, it seemed you got another version
of your life told to you by a status line blinking,
the impossible people you could be without thinking
yourself insane of personality problems,
with a mop on a drop ship or trying to stab a goblin.
That don’t play in public life. You get arrested,
psychoactive medication daily in your big intestine
and attesting that the voices in your head
said the dwarf shot first, embedded arrow then you bled.
But doctors with needles posit repeatedly
that you knocked down that midget in the park unneededly.
This has seeded the idea that you should
never venture from the house, never get misunderstood
by the non-player characters inhabiting Earth,
none of whom are too concerned about Nord & Bert,
not one of whom ever aimed a fish around the room,
trying to get it in the ear canal because doom
beset the last planet they were on, or near
the verge of a set of poetics they wouldn’t hear.
Never peered at the clues with invisible ink.
No SM goddesses ever gave them pause to think.
Never piloted six robots, each distinct.
Don’t matter how many 2-liters they drink,
they’re not gonna follow what you’re saying at all.
They impugn and appall in the scope of their gall,
as you hide in your room in disgust with the lights turned out.
Turn ‘em on in a turn. Leave ‘em off for now.
You read a pamphlet from a mailbox that urges low cunning,
offers cursor and prompt: type >run and you’re running,
and parses what you tell it, pronouns intact,
abbreviations if you need ‘em (better keep it gramat.).
Better punctuate your sentences and never redact
the name of anything ambiguous. You’re about to get asked,
do you mean the red one, the round one, the crooked, or the blue?
Better keep that in your pocket, don’t know yet what it could do.
Could be the spray for the grue; you’re gonna need it if it is —
a situation that reloads, restarts, or quits.
Wonder how many points out of how many points
you’ve got to get before you’re done. Endeavor then to rejoice,
when you wish more ardently, identities shed,
for continuance, the rhyme forever voyaging. Fled
from all lights and colors, from all smells and sound:
just the lyric on the monochrome display and you’re proud
to make another verse appear by solving riddles.
If you didn’t have to sleep, you know you’d never seek acquittal.
You’d be ever in the middle and the midst of quest.
If it weren’t for >don the gown. you’d never get dressed.
In your underwear typing, just like Front,
keyboard attached up to my fingers — wrists bear the brunt —
as I seek to do stunts simply through their descriptions.
I think I went once to some sands that were Egyptian.
And I retain plane tickets, snapshots, receipts,
yet I stand unconvinced that this has happened to me.
I wouldn’t want to misremember or get confused.
Recall of crawling towards a pyramid appearing over dunes.
Recall of entering the thing and descending stairs.
Does it descend from there, adventure to nightmare?
Did I battle a snake? Was the treasure intact?
Or did the TRS-80 in my brain get hacked?
Thanks, Grampa, for buying it. Now my life’s ruined.
Twenty-two years later, head’s infested: got the grue in.
PLUGHing, XYZZYfying, trying to escape,
but I can’t ‘cause I’m up and around and awake.
2 Skinnee J’s were one of the first nerdcore bands to achieve prominence in the mid-to-late 1990’s. I particularly like this song because a) it rocks b) I love songs that change musical styles within the song and c) I’ll leave up to a particular poster on SongMeanings, with whom I agree completely:
This is my pump up song.. I feel like I can face anything and it puts me in such an awesome mood everytime I listen to it. Any song that tells people to “Unite like Thundercats” is great in my opinion
.
Well, okay, the Thundercats thing is lost on me (in fact, I’m not even sure that’s the lyric), but it’s still a cool, upbeat song.
And of course, the lyrics:
This song goes out to all the ones with coke bottle glasses
To all you lonely kids who were the last picked in gym class
We got your back - detract your malefactors
All you up in the back unite like Thundercats (you’re never gonna catch us?)
Get up, Get up cause we’re fed up, fed up
Try to rise and keep your head up,head up
Leave the kinging to Kong,
We’ll be singin the song
Bring it on,Bring it on,Bring it on
It’s a sentimental journey,
presenting sentiments of resentments that will burn me.
Unearthing our sharp knives turning slowly blunt.
My role is to unfold so I gotta Face the front.
I used to spend my days,
Dazed and Confused.
Sixteen year underdog
still dawning underoos.
Sorry bout my style
I know my flow sounds used,
Depicted and directed
by the likes of John Hughes.
We recycle recitals of enemies and idols.
Unscrawled in the hall like Anthony Michael
I lack plan or title just one of the boys.
On islands and islands of Misfit toys.
Get up, Get up cause we’re fed up, fed up
Try to rise and keep your head up,head up
Leave the kinging to Kong,
We’ll be singin the song
Bring it on,Bring it on,Bring it on
My field of dreams was a parking lot,
With hot shots doing doughnuts
Pissin off the grownups.
Me on the side
Writing unrequited love letters,
That I would send
to my imaginary girlfriend.
I had to pretend cuz
I never played football,
The kid drafted last
pick at the wall.
To ease the monotony
Of everybody mockin me,
Spend time
Tootin rhymes like botany.
Now what I wanna be -
What you wanna be?
To be famous,
I claim this
Try to gain this.
But sometimes it’s heinous
the way the shameless
Surround me like a tide they’ll drown me.
I’m lookin for all intelligent life forms
I’m lookin for a club off the street.
So I can reach out and touch somebody,
Anybody,
everybody.
This song goes out to all the ones with coke bottle glasses
To all you lonely kids who were the last picked in gym class
We got your back - detract your malefactors
All you up in the back unite like Thundercats (you’re never gonna catch us?)
Get up,Get up cause we’re fed up,fed up
Try to rise and keep your head up,head up
Leave the kinging to Kong,
We’ll be singin the song
Bring it on,Bring it on,Bring it on